In Local News... by Violet

Perhaps what threw my mother into her tangent about our society being at the bowels of hell was this morning’s local newspaper--- the wonderful Waco Tribune Herald. As a former teen writer for the Tribune, I understand the wonderful quality of writers that they employ.

This morning I received a text at 6 o’clock before I left for work, as I do most mornings- from my mother. The only person that I get texts from besides Nick Taylor. The wonderful text from my mother read:
“Go get your morning paper and read story on bottom of local section. You will lol. You are defending the wrong people”

So as I picked up my breakfast burrito this morning from Lolitas, I glanced at the local section at the register and saw the headline of “Waco stripper found guilty of punching, biting fellow stripper during argument”

This was the story that I later found online: http://www.wacotrib.com/news/crime/95933044.html

First of all, I thought there was a rule to brevity in headline writing. The tribune writers would have learned this had they competed in high school UIL headline writing.

Second of all- only in Waco would we have in our newspaper the news of a girl-on-girl stripper fight.

Additionally, the story was a masterpiece of written word, including statements like:
“Waco stripper Amber Renee Cheek was found guilty Tuesday of assault for striking another stripper in the head with a Mountain Dew bottle, punching her and biting both of her surgically enhanced breasts.”
And,
“Staci Fox told the jury she was wearing only a string thong throughout the Dec. 10, 2009, brawl with Cheek at Sonny’s BYOB in Waco, said Fox’s attorney, John Hand.”
And,
“Fox testified that she couldn’t strip anymore because of the unsightly bite marks on her breasts, Hand said. “

And My PERSONAL FAVORITE:
“Crime scene photos show the bite marks, located next to her tattoo of the name “Bucky.””

The guilty party will be sentenced at 10 a.m. today in County Court-at-Law Judge Mike Gassaway’s court. Very interesting considering I just went to a hearing last week in his court room and I am currently trying to find a way to pop in on this ground-breaking dispute. Who would complain about jury duty on a day like this??? Who would not be entertained with a story like this. This story really needs National coverage. Somebody call Nancy Grace.

My mom was completely correct. I did LOL. And then I sent the story to anyone I thought would get a laugh out of it. I cannot tell you how much I wished I could send it to the attorneys at my firm, but that would hardly be appropriate. Instead I chose to expose the news story on my Baylor blog.

So this definitely must be why my mother chose to go off on her soapbox about the depravity of our society and the proverbial “line” that we have continued to inch across. Little does she know, Ace was most likely at the scene of the crime handing the Mountain Dew Bottle to Miss Amber Cheek, also known as Miss Nasty Suarez, while Harrison was the bouncer refusing to let her cash out her dolla bills.