Helicopter Mom

This term may be strange to many of you. It was coined by teachers to describe mothers who are always hovering over their children. It is used as a negative description of an over protective, controlling mother. They say it like it is a bad thing. Am I overprotective? Well, in trying to protect my children,yes, I may become overly so. Am I controlling? Well, as I try to control certain situations in order to help my children in making wise and positive decisions, yes, that is my aim. So, shoot me...I love my kids. I want to help them in any and all ways that I can.

Labels have never bothered me. Call me what you will. I have probably been called worse. I embrace my role as a mother and treat it as the true mission that it is...not to be taken lightly. When my children are ask to spend the night at friends' homes I rarely say yes. These are my children and I am responsible for them...what they experience, who they are influenced by, and where they go. This responsibility is too easily and too often shifted to others. My children do not need to be influenced by other children...or other parents, for that matter. These kids were given to me to raise and I protect that right. This is not to say that each of my children have not had positive adults in their lives other than their parents. Our lives have been blessed with many coaches, teachers, and mentors in various activities in which they have been involved. But no one is ever MORE involved than I am. My kids may not always like it, but....I am a big part of their lives. And will continue to be as long as I am breathing.

When adults tell me that their child is free to make a certain life changing decision on their own, I am shocked! I guess I should define "child" before I get chided for being controlling again. I am referring to under eighteen year olds, and yes, that includes the decision on where to go to college. What happens in your life is often determined by decisions made between the years of 18-22. These are highly formative years. Whether you attend a 4 year university, a junior college, trade school or simply start working 40 hours a week, the people you meet, the experiences you have, positive and negative, shape you into the adult you will become. Hopefully, my kids have been building decision making strategies and capabilities along the way. They are given age appropriate tasks and situations in which to test their responses to different opportunities. This should ideally happen while they are still under my roof, where I can assist with input, guidance and consequences. But some things only come up after they are away at school or out of your house. Does this mean that they are left to fend for themselves? What kind of mother stops being a mother when their child turns 18? We should continue with our input, advice and praise. These kids are a long way from grown.

If I am not influencing my child in making decisions, you can bet that someone else is. Big decisions are just that... BIG. Help these kids. Give them your thoughts, give them your guidance, give them your experience. Then make the decision together, without the influence of the BFF of the moment or local youth minister. Do not forfeit your rights and privileges as a parent to someone else! No one knows your child like you do...or like you should. Take responsibility for those decisions. Do not allow others to steal the joys OR difficulties of raising your children.

So, if you are looking for me... you have only to look slightly above any of my children's heads. I will be hovering above them, ready to pounce with love, praise and guidance.