VIOLET IS GONE !!!!!

Violet is gone for the weekend. She is at a case competition in Iowa somewhere. Of course, EVERYTHING is a competition for her so she is definitely in her element. I miss her,though, whenever she travels. I have three other children, but she is the one that calls me every morning on her way into class and will stop by my office for a break in the day. Her absence is felt.

I am looking for ways to break up with my daughter. Next time this year, she will be a law school graduate and off and running into her new career. She has already stuck her toe into the waters of the grown-up world, and is currently wading waist deep with a clerkship at a law firm here in town. She loves it! She is prepared. Violet has many options which she has worked hard to obtain and will have a myriad of choices when she receives her degree next February. She deserves all of the acclaim she receives. She is fabulous. But we have to break up.

Her fabulosity is the problem. She lived in my house for 18 years and only moved 15 miles away to attend undergraduate college at Baylor. When it came time to do graduate work and attend law school, she chose to continue at Baylor and stayed close to home. I am spoiled. She has brought joy and laughter into everyday of my life for the past 24 years. So you get it....I love her, I cannot live without her. But somehow I must.

How do I break up with her? How do I learn to live without her in my life? I realize that some mothers had to do this when their children were 18...I am lucky. But I figure I better break up with her before she breaks up with me. I'm selfish like that. So I have determined 5 of the best ways to break up with your child. And you faithful followers will be privy to my years (actually minutes) of research. Here they are:

1. Tell her that I have decided to become childless. I am over fifty and no longer feel the need to have children...namely HER. My biological clock is no longer ticking. In fact, it has come to a dead stop. Tell her I have decided to be a childless career woman of the 1980's. I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!.While it has been a great run, her services as a daughter are no longer needed and she is being let go. Thank you very much.

2. Send her a text message. Admittedly kinda the weak way out, but we do communicate via text message several times a day and she delivers good and bad news to me via this method. Maybe something simple like...IT'S OVER! And do not explain when she returns the text with a "????" No explanation necessary. Sever all communication after that point. It is easier this way.

3. Recommend another mother she might like. Kind of the bait and switch method. Tell her about other mothers you have heard about...how much they love their daughters, are better cooks, decorate for every holiday, etc. Emphasize my own weaknesses and my inability to be the kind of mother that she needs at this time in her life. Tell her she deserves better. Which she does.

4. Stop feeding her. Stop taking her to lunch, stop Sunday dinners, stop stocking a snack drawer in my office. I feel like the little kid who's mother tied a pork chop around his neck to get the dogs to play with him. For a little person, she eats an enormous amount of food everyday. So if the food source dries up will she still want to hang around me? My guess is no.

5. Tell her that it is not her... it is me. Do not allow her to accept any of the blame for the demise of our relationship. Own the entire breakup and control your reactions and hers. Tell her you just want to be friends and preempt any tears with a "Call me sometime and we will do lunch". Hopefully she will be stunned as this breakup catches her off guard. She will have no response and be too shocked to do anything but turn and leave. I will miss her, she will miss me, but it is better this way, time heals all wounds, she will find someone else, etc.,etc.,etc.

So, do you think that this will work? Will I be able to break up with Violet before she breaks up with me? Can a Mother really break up with her daughter...or is this a lifetime gig? Am I destined to be heartbroken by my own first born as she takes her first steps into adulthood...feeling left out of major decisions that are hers, and hers alone, to make?

Or should we just stay together? We do make a pretty good mother/daughter team. I might just hang on for a while longer...if she doesn't need a mother anymore maybe she can find a position for me elsewhere in her life. Mentor, friend, cook...I think I will stick around and take what I can get. A little of Violet is worth so much more than the entirety of anyone else.