I will see your bat and raise you a squirrel

Violet's Business School Bat story was funny. That girl can really tell a story. Don't know where she gets it! But, of course, I must do her one better...as I am wont to do from time to time.

I have a lovely home. Nothing too fancy or large. Comfortable. Our house sits on a one acre lot with at least 2/3 of the property covered with large trees. While the foliage is beautiful to look at, it often harbors creatures that I do not care for. The songbirds are always welcome. I keep an anti-squirrel bird feeder stocked with seed to promote the two families of cardinals that must have nests in these trees. I also fill a hummingbird feeder that brings returning hummingbirds year after year. I even hear woodpeckers as they drill the holes for their spring nests. Idyllic, peaceful, heavenly...a wonderful sanctuary for me. I always feel renewed when spending time on my patio gazing at my wooded back yard.

Back to the creatures that I do not care for. Squirrels. We have LOTS of them! My own sweet mother classifies these critters with rats, rodents with bushy tails. I am sure that there is a place in this world for squirrels...I just wish that place excluded my back yard. Lately more ambitious and athletic squirrels will jump from treetop to treetop ending their acrobatic journey on our roof, which frustrates my husband. He has trimmed many branches hoping to discourage these antics. The rodents continue to use our roof as a landing spot. Last night was the last straw. Roger was determined to chase away the squirrels. Just as three squirrels landed on our roof, Roger jumped up from watching the Duke-Butler game, threw open the sliding glass door, grabbed a stick and started banging on the rain gutters to scare the squirrels. They were scared all right! One in particular jumped from the roof landing on the patio and scurried right into my house through the open patio door!

All of this commotion was heard by me as I leisurely read in my back bedroom. Roger proceeded to open my closed bedroom door to filll me in on the most recent squirrel activity. That being that "there is a squirrel in the house, so stay back here and I will take care of getting it out." Of course, as he opened our bedroom door the squirrel ran in and darted behind my dresser. I didn't squeal (I don't squeal)but I did immediately, and quite quickly, vacate the premises and left Roger to manage the squirrel extermination. He promptly trapped it in the bathroom, covered it with a trash can and carried it back outside. Task done. This isn't even the funny part of the story.

All the while Roger was trapping the squirrel, I was texting my older son, Ace concerning said squirrel in the house. Ace is a total WUSS. All 6'4" 195 lbs. of him. He is terrified of birds, rats, squirrels...anything that is small and totally defenseless against the likes of a nineteen year old guy. I really don't know why or how this phobia developed. I swear that I did not subject him to long periods of time chained to a wall in a darkened basement filled with rodents.....often.
The text conversation went like this....
Mom: Ace, come home! There is a squirrel in the house. I need your help!
Ace: No way!
Mom: Ace, you are my oldest son, you are supposed to protect the family. There is a squirrel in our house and I need you to come trap it and get it out. PLEASE.
Ace: You're lying!
Mom: No Ace, believe me. I need you.
Ace: I can't right now.
Mom: ACE! I need you. Come help me!
Ace: Are you joking with me?
Several texts of disbelief and pleadings later...
Ace: Get Baylor and Bear (our yellow labs)to sniff it out and kill it.
Mom: I DO NOT WANT SQUIRREL BLOOD THROUGHOUT MY HOUSE!
Ace: Well, then I don't know what you are going to do.
Mom: Ace, remind me again what good you are to me.
Ace: I help you eat your food.
Mom: Oh, yeah, that's right. Thank you.
Ace: You are welcome.
Meanwhile, Roger has caught and removed the squirrel from the house.
Mom: It is done. Squirrel gone.
Ace: Good, cause I wanted to come home and do laundry.
Ace: Save the pelt.
Ace: I'm bringing home a squirrel stuffing kit to mount it. For my dorm.
Ace: Won't that look cool?
Ace: Mom.
Ace: Mom?
Ace: Mom?????